GUEST POST: Learning the 4 T's When You're Locked Out of Your House

Image: Pinterest

Image: Pinterest

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When Zach and I were first married, we were 25 years old. Prior to becoming husband and wife we had dated for four years in college and during my time in graduate school. We had dealt with a two year long distance relationship as well. We felt like the hurdles and curve balls that were thrown at us were dodged and thrown back at full force. Zach and I felt like a true team - a compatible couple that laughed, sang, cried and was always there when one of us needed the other.

And then came children. Don’t get me wrong, our children are wonderful. We have a three-year-old daughter and a three-month-old son. Suddenly our comforting, casual and carefree marriage was turned upside down with strollers, diapers (oh so many diapers), wipes, toys and so much more! While we loved spending time with our children, our time as an "us" couple was dwindling slowly. A few years ago, Zach and I decided to uproot our family from the windy city of Chicago, to the southern pines of Atlanta. We were excited for our new adventure and all that awaited us.

One afternoon Zach and I were outside on our deck painting. Our two-year-old at the time (we didn’t have our son yet) had gone inside to grab a toy. I realized she had been gone a while and went to try and open the door to go back into our home when it wouldn’t open! I tried again. It was locked! I began panicking and quickly called Zach over to help me unlock the door. He tried his best and continued to knock to get our daughter’s attention. Suddenly we were in a screaming match of who had let our daughter go into the house unsupervised. We began blaming one another for what was taking place.

Thankfully my husband had his cell phone with him and called STL Locksmith. Their emergency locksmith service covers a wide area in Georgia, and they were not only friendly at calming us down but extremely prompt in helping us unlock our door and get to our daughter. Of course, they know that these things happen and thankfully are always fully-equipped with their training and helping to ease our frustration.

The moral of this story? Instead of blaming one another for what happened (because as scary as it is, it does happen from time to time) we should have remembered the Four T’s of communication. The first is timing. Is it a good time to bring up what’s going on? In this circumstance, it most definitely was as we were stranded outside! But I realized in my own panic that I went right from timing to my tone. The tone in my voice was scared and blameful on my husband because I thought he was watching her and vice versa. Our tone to one another was harsh, hurtful and not needed in a scary situation that had occurred. The third “t” is technique. I was blaming my frustration on my husband and that wasn’t fair as we were both at fault for what had happened. The last “t” is truth. Is what I’m hearing and saying truthful, or am I just frustrated? Despite blaming my husband for what was occurring, I was also using harsh words and again, should not have been saying them.

After the chaos of our daughter locking us out of the house (and yes she was ok and was actually sitting on the couch the entire time we were calling the locksmith over), we assessed the words and our communication a few hours after it had settled down. We were both scared at what had happened but instead of blaming one another, we just needed to effectively communicate our frustration. Thinking of the four t's during this experience could have helped us think of other words to say instead of becoming angry. Afterwards, we praised one another saying “I’m so happy you were there" and “Thank you for being calm while talking to the locksmith.” We also thought that a neighbor should have a spare key just incase it were to happen again (it hasn’t since, thank goodness).

Things happen. Life happens and marriage takes work. It will test you and your relationship as often as it can. My suggestion when faced with a tough situation or event? Think of the four t's when possible and take a few deep breaths before you begin to fire words at your spouse. And be sure to have backup key somewhere close by!Hi everyone! My name is Cait and I blog at Cait's Cozy Corner! My blog shares a lot of my family (we just had our son 3 months ago and have a little girl who is 3 1/2), our travels around the world (we recently went to Oktoberfest..I was 8 weeks pregnant so you can imagine the fun I had over in Germany during that time), my love of coffee and shopping, plus some tips on fashion, food, fitness and more! I love meeting and getting to know my followers both online and in real life! We moved to Atlanta two and a half years ago and love it, especially coming from Chicago and those bitter cold winters! I hope you all stop by the blog and say hi! 

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About Cait:

Hi everyone! My name is Cait and I blog at Cait's Cozy Corner! My blog shares a lot of my family (we just had our son 3 months ago and have a little girl who is 3 1/2), our travels around the world (we recently went to Oktoberfest..I was 8 weeks pregnant so you can imagine the fun I had over in Germany during that time), my love of coffee and shopping, plus some tips on fashion, food, fitness and more! I love meeting and getting to know my followers both online and in real life! We moved to Atlanta two and a half years ago and love it, especially coming from Chicago and those bitter cold winters! I hope you all stop by the blog and say hi!