A Wife's Guide to Football Season

By Maggie Reimherr

When Derek and I started dating, he taught me what a first down is. I was a student at a big football university, but the extent of my knowledge of football was “touchdown,” “field goal,” and the fact that it provided a very fun opportunity to throw on a cute red dress and drink beer with your friends.

I’m no longer a football idiot, but I wouldn’t exactly call myself a convert. I play fantasy football with Derek and our couple friends. and I won our league last year - #blessed. (It’s not hard to do, guys. You look at the point values next to a person’s name in the ESPN app and draft the people with the most projected points. Why do we overcomplicate this?) I wear my red and black every Saturday and scream for the Dawgs. I really love the Dawgs. I also now know what’s going on during a football game. But I have little interest in football besides what the Georgia Bulldogs are doing on Saturdays, what my fantasy players are doing on Sundays, and the tear-inducing human interest stories during College GameDay. Basically, I’m a selfish football fan.

Unlike me, my husband cares about ALL OF THE FOOTBALL. We just bought a Roku and got a subscription to Sling TV so we can watch the sports channels our basic cable package doesn’t cover. I know what our weekends will consist of from now until December. Like I said, I’m really into Georgia football, and that interest even extends to some interest in other SEC teams. But I don’t care at all about Ohio State or USC or Oregon’s matchups.

So ladies (and gents!) who have mixed feelings about being inundated with football game after football game this fall, here’s our guide to making the most of this season:

Treat the game with reverence. You may not care about whatever Big 10 matchup is on the screen in front of you, but your spouse does, and you love your spouse. Out of love, don’t block the TV, and don’t talk too much during game play.

Drink a lot of beer. (But not so much that you’re talking about your hopes, dreams, fears, and issues for the rest of the night to the woman you just met in the sports bar bathroom.)

Be a hostess with the mostest. Have friends over to watch some games, or throw an awesome tailgate! If you don’t care about the game of the hour, you can rest assured that there will be at least a few other people in the crowd who care as little about Michigan State football as you do. Chat with them, refill the snack trays, and throw yourself into something other than staring at the TV.

Make all of the snacks. This is very important. If the current game on TV is boring you, you can bury your face in a BBQ sandwich, a bowl of chili, a plethora of dips, or a tray of desserts.

Don’t plan your pumpkin patch or apple picking #basicfall outing during a game your spouse really cares about. The pumpkins can wait.

Remember that all of these games being on means that it’s football season for your team too. It’s all worth it to be able to shout, “Go Dawgs!” or “Hotty Toddy!” once more.

And finally, for the love of all things good, don’t plan a wedding on a Saturday during football season. Honestly, what is wrong with you if you’re considering this?!

So to the lukewarm football fans like me: you are not alone. And we will have a dang good time this football season with the beer, snacks, and socializing. See you at the tailgate.

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