The Laziest Person in the World: Me

By Maggie Reimherr

Photo by Benjamin Combs on Unsplash

Hi, my name is Maggie Reimherr, and I am the laziest person in the world.

No, really, I'm not kidding.

Derek and I recently had a *small* argument about how I'm in a life stage where I'm not interested in doing anything that I don’t specifically want to do. A short list of things I've put off during this life stage because they would cause me minor inconvenience:

  • Cancelling an unused credit card.
  • Getting a Georgia driver’s license. I lived here for 4 months and drove with a Mass license every day before I switched it, plz don't tell the cops.
  • Registering the car in Georgia. Again, 4 months… oh, and now that I’ve changed it over, I still have a front license plate from Massachusetts on the car because I forgot about it and can’t be bother to learn how to use power tools to take it off.
  • Confirming that I am Derek’s dependent (offensive) so I can be on his health insurance.
  • Paying 3 traffic tickets I got from the world’s meanest New York State trooper. I have hexed him many times in my mind.
  • Canceling my Fabletics membership. Okay, I've been putting this off for 2 years.
  • Making a dentist appointment.
  • Cleaning the bathroom (why is it constantly getting dirty tho).
  • Returning our Comcast equipment from when we cut cable.
  • Writing for the blog for 2 months when I promised 2 posts a week henceforth in my last post… but hey, I’m back now!

Things I have been doing:

  • Ordering my groceries online. Thanks, Amazon Fresh!
  • Eating out approximately 4 times a week (to be fair, I think this is less than the average millennial).
  • Reading a lot of books.
  • Relaxing with my new neck and shoulder massager.
  • Watching The Bachelorette and Big Brother like it's my second job. I listen to recap podcasts too. You are welcome to judge me.
  • Doing one of those creepy sheet face masks at least once a week.
Via Giphy

Via Giphy

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? Congrats. You are as lazy as I am.

No, I haven’t neglected work. But I have neglected actual responsibilities outside of work that have hit our bank account and hit Derek’s confidence in my ability to G.S.D. (get sh!t done). It started with a few gentle conversations about me needing to be productive outside of my 8:30-5:30 work schedule. Then it turned into sideways comments: “So. Are we just done with the blog forever or something?” And finally, Derek hit a breaking point. It came in the form of 2 bills in one day for things that I’d forgotten to return/cancel. That’s the thing about being married: your laziness doesn’t just affect you. Bummer.

Sometimes, I just wanna be a sloth. But oftentimes, I don’t have that option. I love getting home from work and having no obligations stretching before me until my 10:30 bedtime. But laziness has its consequences:

  • Bills for Comcast equipment that you have lying around your apartment because you forgot to return it. Take it from me, friends: just go to the UPS Store.
  • Interest charges on credit cards you *swore* you had on auto-pay.
  • Cavities. (Note to self: you still need to make that dentist appointment!!!)

Derek implored me to please, for goodness’ sake, make a to do list. At first I fought back: "I have a to do list in my head!!!" But that wasn't really working. So I made my list in that handy Notes app on my phone. I got my new driver’s license, I registered the car, I cancelled my Massachusetts insurance, and I returned the Comcast junk. I still don’t know if it’s actually possible to cancel a Fabletics membership. Help.

I’ve found that a productive Maggie is a better Maggie. Sometimes there are things on the to do list that are outrageously annoying. No, I did not want to go sit at a Georgia Department of Revenue office for an hour and wind up getting on the phone with my insurance company to have them FAX (it’s 2017!!! What r u doing, State of Georgia??!) a copy of my policy over to a government office. But I did it. And you know what? Getting it done felt good.

Sometimes, it’s okay to be lazy. Set aside a few nights a week for Netflix binges or power-reading books or whatever your heart desires. But when you’re lazy for a months’-long stretch, things start to fall apart. It puts strain on a marriage. Sorry, Derek.

My advice: don’t be like me! Get organized before you get an avoidable bill in the mail from Comcast (happy ending: it got refunded after I returned the stuff). Make a list, and stop. freaking. procrastinating.

And with that, I have completed my first blog post in almost 2 months. I’m also using the Notes app in my phone to jot down ideas for more. See? I’m getting better already!