By Derek Reimherr
*Sigh*, time to jump back into this circus again. The Reimherrs have had a crazy few weeks (more to come soon). Sorry if you wanted any commentary on Corrine’s antics. I had the apartment to myself and played video games instead of watching Nick cry a bunch.
This week was all about hometown dates. Let’s do this.
Scene opens in Hoxie, Arkansas - small town, Southern life. This is what awful country songs are inspired by. Except in real life it’s quaint and nice and those country songs are still awful. Looking at you Florida-Georgia Line.
Raven and Nick go muddin’, because of course they do. And they make out in the mud because...wait, no that’s not an “of course” moment. Y’all ever been in a marsh/swamp/mud pit? I have. There are bugs everywhere and it sucks. I once got pinned underneath a 4-wheeler in a mud pit for about 30 mins, but that’s a different story for a different time.
They walk up to the top of a grain bin and the local sheriff’s department busts them for trespassing. JK, surprise (not)! Raven’s brother is a local cop and apparent prankster. Gooooood one.
On to Raven’s parents’ house, adorned with a GO HOGS wreath on the front door. Woo Pig Sooie. Welcome to Arkansas!
Here we see Nick get to awkwardly be a part of some personal family moments. Her parents share that after a tough few years battling lung cancer, her Dad is cancer free. My only choice at this point is to be Team Raven. I would’ve lost my Bachelor Fantasy League because obviously Danielle vs Danielle didn’t happen.
Next up: Dallas, TX for Rachel’s hometown date. We already know where this is going because Rachel’s the next Bachelorette. (Spoiler alert, there were leaks. If you missed them, your fault. I’m a dude who barely gets through the show and I even know about that.) So this feels like kind of a waste of time knowing that in the end, there’s no happy ending for Rachel and Nick.
Rachel takes Nick out of his element and takes him to her church - a black church. Nick really needs to work on his rhythm game. I’ve seen more rhythm in a middle school kid’s game room playing Rock Band.
The church segment makes way for the discussions about race and interracial dating that are central to this date. It’s nice to see ABC not shying away from that.
We head to meet Rachel’s family. Her sister is married to a white guy, so they chat with her sister and brother-in-law about their interracial relationship - and the challenges they might face in that. All of the conversations about race really tee things up nicely for Rachel to head into being the first black Bachelorette.
After seeing this hometown date and knowing Rachel is the new Bachelorette, I think we’re all curious - what the heck goes wrong with these two? Things have seemed to be great for them since the beginning. I guess we’ll find out soon.
Miami, FL: home of beautiful beaches and culture and Corrine. And what do you know? A day in the life of Corrine is full of...shopping.
Some quotes sum this date up better than I can:
“Corrine is on a first name basis with everyone in a store. It’s like Christmas morning to the people at the store.”
“An ordinary day to Corrine is an unordinary day to literally everyone else.”
“Nick was a little in shock about how much everything costs. I wasn’t. Hehehehehe.”
Their day ends up being an $8,000 shopping trip. More than the value of my entire wardrobe probably.
Next, we meet Corrine’s family and the now-famous Raquel. Corrine’s family is actually very nice? Is that the word I’m looking for?
She and her dad chat about Nick: “I told him I loved him. What? We’ve been dating for a month and a half.” I want to make fun of this, but Maggie and I only dated for 2 months before we said, “I love you.” So I can’t talk.
Corrine’s dad and Nick have a chance to chat:
“What are your intentions with her?”
“Uh, um, urrrr.” Super reassuring.
Oh, and Nick also obtains Raquel’s blessing. Very important. Quick note on this. She shouldn’t be called a nanny. She’s clearly more of an Alfred from Batman. So caretaker? Housekeeper? Just feels a bit demeaning to call her a nanny.
Our friend Kara has this theory: Corrine’s going to win. Nick clearly likes her, and also, they kind of deserve each other. We’ll see.
To Montreal we go. Vanessa takes Nick to meet her students since she’s a teacher for adults with special needs. These students are so sweet. Vanessa is a champ. She’s clearly a great teacher with a big heart for her students.
Next, we meet Vanessa’s mom’s side of the family. I want to be a part of this Sunday lunch. The Italian food looks out of this world. Molto bene.
Vanessa’s family expresses concerns about the logistics of their relationship: is Nick moving to Montreal? What are their plans for the future? Have you guys even talked about this? Answer: no.
These people seem to be very sane about relationships. But they don’t seem to understand how The Bachelor works.
Then we go to meet Vanessa’s dad. He also has concerns. Nick asks if he’d be okay with an engagement. Vanessa’s dad asks the tough questions: “Have you asked the other parents the same question?” “Ummm errr yes in a way?” It’s a yes or no question, buddy. And the answer is yes.
Vanessa finds out that Nick asked the other parents for their blessing, and she’s upset. Reminder: YOU ARE ON THE BACHELOR. What do you expect?!
Of course, we don’t get to find out what happens at the rose ceremony until next week. And in the meantime, Andi will show up to presumably ruin Nick’s life (again).
We’ll see what happens on the next dramatic episode of The Bachelor. Thank God this is almost over.